How to deal with Tantrums effectively

They are not called the ‘terrible twos’ for nothing!  Tantrums and hissy fits are something most parents have to deal with and they can happen between the ages of one and three. Toddler tantrums can see the child go literally out of his mind as emotions completely take over. Ear piercing screeching, kicking, hitting, crying and totally losing control are distressing for both child and adult.

Don’t panic. Every parent has a hard time dealing with toddler mayhem and no one has the definitive answer in how to deal with it. Tantrums need to be handled differently, depending on the reason for the upset. Sometimes you need to provide comfort for the  child and at other times, they may need some time out. While there is no definitive solution to coping with a tantrum, here are some pointers which will may help.

Focus on staying calm: This is far from easy as we are programmed to respond when our children cry and so a flailing, screaming upset child evokes huge emotion in us. So, decide on a few steps when the tantrum kicks off.

1. Is the child in a safe place.  Obviously if they choose to kick off in the centre of a bus lane, your priority is moving them to safety.

2. Concentrate on your own breathing, stay calm and wait till the tempest dies down a bit.

3. Do not try to talk to your little one when in the middle of a screaming tantrum, they cannot listen or process anything reasonable. Wait till things are calmer before trying to talk to them.

Don’t be drawn into arguments with the child: You are the adult. You are in control, so don’t get drawn into a screaming match about the kick-off issue.  Refrain from hauling a distressed child off the floor until they are calm again.  Never hit or scream back. The actions you take should reinforcing a calm and positive approach toward problem solving.

Think of these ‘terrible two’s’ as a developmental stage and as such it is a learning curve for your child: After the tantrum, discuss what happened. Assure the child of how much they are loved and explain that this behaviour is not the best way to deal with frustration.

Avoid the next one: Hungry, tired and frustrated little people are likely to tantrum. If your toddler is tired, then it is probably not a good idea to go grocery shopping.  Avoid the triggers combinations of exhaustion, hunger, over stimulated and over-heated. Consider any request when your child want something. Choose your battles and accommodate when you can, without giving into outrageous demands. Distract when you need to and praise often.  It is not easy to be a small person in a world where everything is out of your control, so allow some decisions, ‘Do you want to eat a banana or a plum? Which story book would you like to read. A small amount of empowerment will encourage a happier child. 

Remember toddler tantrums are not usually cause for concern and generally stop on their own. As kids mature, they gain self-control. They learn to cooperate, communicate, and cope with frustration. Less frustration and more control mean fewer tantrums — and happier parents.
 

So stay calm and let it pass.