Is it time to drop the Selfie Stick and pick up the child?

Documenting baby’s precious moments is very important to all proud parents. Little ones change so fast. From crawling to walking. From walking to running and always, always growing up too quickly.  It is understandable that parents want to capture happy memories forever.  Selfies help us to remember a moment, even as it happens. In recent years we have even seen an upsurge in the ‘Brelfie’. Women posting selfies of themselves breastfeeding on social media platforms.  Is this going too far? Some would call the selfie the best innovation for this generation of families. However, not everyone shares this positive view. In our digital age, are many of you parenting through a lens and what message is this giving to our children? Is it time to drop the selfie stick and pick up the child.

Child Psychologist Chetana Jude Alex warns about the messages you may be unwittingly imparting to your child as you constantly photograph and upload their image for public viewing, counting the ‘likes’ and replying to comments. She notes that ” Four-year-olds have become so self-aware that they make duck faces along with their older cousins to ‘stay with the trend’ and conform to what is prevalent in society.”   We could be giving a completely confused message to our offspring which may result in them becoming addicted to this behaviour she notes “ This kind of vanity and narcissism borders on something called the Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It is a mental disorder in which people have “an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others”.

It is important to note that not all of us suffer from a disorder just because we take selfies. However some questions do arise : Are we leading by bad example, particularly when we may have a different message for our children as they become teenagers and start posting unrestricted selfies themselves ? Are we giving them a ‘red carpet mentality’ where they think that everything they do is completely amazing and must be shared.  SnapChat has already bought into this premise with their ‘My Story’ option on the App. My story allows for a constant updating of selfies and reports on meals and daily. Happenings. SnapChat is mainly used by teenagers and young adults.

Most parents just want to document their kid’s life, with themselves and the important people in the child’s life alongside them. They want to impart a sense of self confidence and self-worth. This is commendable and admirable. But this does not explain why so many videos, instagram pics and snapshots end up shared on social media.   Ms Chetana offers no answers, but asks some pertinent questions. “Do we share selfies to include others in our special moment, or is it because boredom has lowered our self-esteem to a level where it can be elevated only through superficial smiles? Do we give others an open access to all our private moments to build a stronger bond, or be a victim of a controlling, manipulative relationship and lose our identity as well as privacy? In the age of selfies, where one cannot enforce external controls of supervision due to the hand-sized portal into a different world, it becomes imperative to exercise self-discipline and also to teach our younglings the true meaning of self-esteem and self-regard. For, selfies are also used to post a resume to get a dream job, and also to remind you that there is a difference between narcissism and self-love.” Tough words from the child psychologist who clearly is not a fan of new media for children.

 We all can agree on one thing.  Many of those ‘fail’ and ‘try not to laugh’ uploads to YouTube which feature toddlers and babies falling over in 4 ft. of snow or being licked by a giant Rottweiler are a dubious form of
entertainment. The parents or guardians who continue to film as a toddler, wobbler or tweenie slowly totters into the family swimming pool, are in dire need of parenting classes and a detox from technology. In these cases sharing is definitely not caring. The internet will spew these images at your child when they are fourty and they will be within their rights to say ‘You held an Iphone  but not my hand.’ It might be time to stop second screening of your children’s lives and join them in the privacy of the here and now.

Photo Credit: Yuliya Skorobogatova