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Top tips for surviving the first few weeks of fatherhood, while collecting brownie points from you partner, enjoying the baby and not going totally insane!
So that new little person has finally arrived. Your house is full of strange looking plastic equipment. Your partner is hormonal, emotional and exhausted. A tiny baby stares up at you and wraps its little hand around your thumb, holding on for dear life. You are officially the man of the house!
It’s daunting and new. Chill out my friend. We have some top tips which will assist the new Dad in keeping everyone happy and in surviving and even enjoying the first few weeks.
A Few Don’ts:
To keep fully out of trouble here are a few complete No-No’s .
- Do not agree with your partner that she a) looks tired. b) is fat c)has no clue what she is doing.
These seemingly innocent comments, uttered in exhaustion, and from an over-riding need for reassurance are potential traps. Instil an automated response to all these and any other tricky remarks that might catch you off guard. She is more beautiful now. A wonderful mother. Even in her complete tiredness, she looks magnificent. Of course, you mean every word, but an unintentional slip of the tongue at this sensitive time could be very costly. Be wary.
- Never, ever complain of being tired.
You may be a zombie servant to the overlords of sleep deprivation and exhaustion but do not mention it. Refrain from any moaning and complaining, unless you want a complete melt-down, a lecture on what she has been through or the silent treatment (hmmmmm?) Even if you are viewing the world through bloodshot slits and you have not the strength to open a tin of beans,
accept it stoically and silently. Man Up! In this particular scenario, you just don’t have the legitimacy to complain.
- Don’t Google.
True, there is no manual with this particular model and the temptation to Google anything from ‘tiny milk spots on babies face’ to ‘never ending crying’ can be overwhelming. Beware! When it comes to babies, Google will return with an overwhelming number of replies, each one presenting a more horrendous outcome than the last. Don’t Google. The answers lie elsewhere.
A few essential hints that every new Dad needs to know:
- There is no such thing as too many wipes.
Yes. You will have to face the nuclear waste of those nappies. (How can one small baby make such a mess?) You will have to take your turn. If it is really affecting you, stick a Vicks nasal stick up each nostril, suck on a hard candy and sing the theme of the A Team. Be a man. You will get used to it
- Walk that crying baby.
Crying babies can be very upsetting for the whole house. The new mother is especially freaked out when baby cries. You need to be the calm one. Get a checklist in your head.
1. Hunger.
2. Dirty nappy.
3. Tiredness.
4. Obvious sign of distress (temperature etc.)
And number 5, the most common,
Stay calm, stay zen, pop ‘em in the sling or over your shoulder, sing a lullabye and walk it out.
- Other parents and Grannies know a lot.
Keep a list of key phone numbers next to the phone, so that when panic does set in you can quickly pinpoint the best person to call for advice. As well as including your midwife, doctor, health visitor, and mum on your
list, you could also add the telephone numbers of friends with children, your local breastfeeding counsellor, and the breastfeeding helpline. If all these fail, phone that one friend who makes you laugh.
- You are not ‘foodies’ anymore.
It is just temporary. For now, take-away and frozen food are perfectly acceptable as you adjust to spending 24 hours a day tending the needs of one tiny person. You will be back making your own sun blush pasta in no time.
- Other Dads, especially those with tinies, are vital to your sanity.
In times of trouble, phone a friend.
Remember, it is normal to feel over-whelmed. This is a huge time of adjustment for you, your partner and for that little baby too. But, you can do it.
Here are some ways to enhance the experience.
- Take photographs and videos:
The time goes past quickly and you will be so happy that you have recorded happy memories. Take sneaky looks at those pictures when you are back at work and suffering separation anxiety. (I know! As if there as not enough anxieties already!!)
- Skin on Skin:
Tinies love the sensation of cuddling up skin on skin with their Daddies. Apparently daddies are not too adverse to it either and it promotes a sense of wellbeing and happiness in both parties.
- Be a bouncer:
Yeah, everyone wants in to the new baby house. Make a VIP list which includes friends who don’t stay long and can wash dishes, Mums and Mum-in-laws who know the limits of their involvement, carry casseroles and are useful with a vacuum cleaner. Consult with your partner and gate-keep carefully for her sanity, which means ultimately your sanity.
Lastly and most importantly enjoy your new role in life. You are still you. She is still the woman you love and life has just got richer.
And now:
Enjoy some uploads from other dads fumbling their way through the experience.
https://www.youtube.com/user/watsojg1