Stop Mom Judging!!!!

Almost 64% of women surveyed for an English newspaper reported feeling judged, when their babies cry or when their toddler throws a tantrum in a public place. Almost a third said that breastfeeding was fraught with negative reactions from the people, while 43% said that they endured judgemental stares from strangers in relation to their parenting in public spaces.

In contrast, a video of an elderly lady approaching a young breast feeding mum in a restaurant and cutting the young mothers food into fork size pieces, while telling her what a good mother she was and that her food should not go cold, became an internet sensation. Why is an act of supporting a young parent so unusual and judging so common?

Here are some top tips for the judgemental among you… Stop Mom judging and start supporting!

 

  1. Do not tell me about other people’s babies who sleep through entire nights, waking only to feed daintily and have tiny fairy poo’s before they drift off into dreamland. This is mythical nonsense. If you persist in telling these tales, it’s likely that some projectile vomit may be directed your way courtesy of my sleepless, crying, nappy filling offspring.

 

  1. Make no nasty comments, heavy sighs or mean looks: When my baby is upset in public, I am upset in public. I am stressed and trying to cope. In this situation, how does your open confrontation, loud tutting or aggressive stares help to ease things?     Don’t ask my baby if she is tired, or hungry. Don’t play Peepo with her. A stranger making weird faces will not really assist at this time.  Do smile at me and let me know sympathetically that you know I am distressed and that it is going to be O.K.

 

  1. Food : Breast or bottle? Don’t criticise my food choices for me breast-feeding-1 and or my offspring. Breast or bottle, sugar or no sugar, organic or non-organic. It’s a private matter and unless I bring the subject up, it’s hidden, like the stash of Smarties you keep on the high shelf of your kitchen cupboard.

 

  1. Minor Ailments : I look after my child 24 hours a day, so I know that a rogue sharp nail has caused a tiny scratch on his face. I also am aware that the little person in my care has cradle-cap, eczema, a spot, or a bean stuck up their nose.  I hear them coughing too. You pointing it out is not helpful but contributes to my gathering belief that I am indeed, a bad mother. If you are not a health professional then keep any remarks on sniffles, spots and other minor ailments to yourself. Tell us how beautiful we are!

 

  1. Don’t commiserate me on my post –baby body. Giving birth is akin to opening your mouth and regurgitating a water melon. A water melon that has been carried for nine months in my belly. Yes, I don’t look the same. Yes, I am sleep deprived and overworked and yes, I will do my exercises 4thtrimesterbodies_7and No, I do not need you commenting. Neither should you congratulate other new mothers on their flat tummies and relaxed appearance within earshot. Compliment my hair, the glow of love in my eyes (although that might be severe exhaustion) and leave the ‘losing the baby weight’ conversations where I leave the penis size ones. Let’s just not go there.

Parenting is one of the most difficult and rewarding jobs you will ever undertake. There is no magical formula for raising children and no absolutely correct way to parent. A secure warm environment where their needs are met with comfort and love is essential.    Controversies arise over potty training, co sleeping and a myriad of parenting methods.  It is time to acknowledge and support parents and stop the critical judging, especially in public.

To mums and dads who bear the brunt of criticism while coping with a distraught baby we advise one simple act. Make eye contact with the Judgy mcJudgys and slowly release one finger from your grasp on baby and display it proudly in their direction.

If you remember these then your a child of the 90’s

Cue the Spice girls playing on your pink snazzy Discman. Trap your blonde highlights into a shiny orange scrunchie and  Zig a Zig Ah yourself back to the nineties.  Sunny Delight and Pop tarts. Space raider snacks and Aztec bars. The nineties lacked the magical mystery of the sixties, the glam of the seventies and the business acumen of the eighties. But it made up for this with pitifully bad music, fluorescent clothing and a particularly bad taste in shoes.

 If you  are a child of the nineties, you will remember these:

Tamagochis:   Try to explain the appeal of these weird items to the savvy child of today. It seemed as if everyone was physically attached to enhanced-buzz-10500-1385459798-0these little plastic eggs with tiny screens. Beeps alerted the owner to feeding and cleaning duties. — In these screens lived our hearts, our pets, our avatars, our very own Tamagotchi’s.  The responsibility of constant care made the Tamagotchi a short lived obsession.   

 Furbys and Polly Pocket:   Furbys were plastic owl like creatures who took delight in being quiet when you wanted to  the electronic blathering’s and particularly noisy when you needed silence. Furbys Furby_39were particularly scary toys when you woke at night and found them staring at you, mimicking your breathing. Ugh

Polly Pockets:  The tiniest doll in the world, living in the tiniest flip up plastic house. Everyone had one. Everyone lost one.

Pogs: Remember these. Round printed discs which we collected and matched and collected and swopped… what was the purpose of pogs?  Oh yes, of course, to teach us raw commercialism and the need for more useless things in our lives.

Goths: Not to be mistaken with the punks of the eighties. Being a Goth was a way of life. Well, more a way of morbid undeadens. The hours it took to apply shocking makeup, black khol and lipstick and dressing in the ‘right ‘clothes, took away from Goth’s intended anarchism. Two hours in the bathroom applying eyeliner and ripping tights does not a provocateur make?

 Video tapes:  How uncool was it to rent a video tape and find it had not
be rewound by the last person!  Nineties kids videoed everything from
9089283_origthe telly. ‘Do not tape over’ signs were an invitation to reuse and recycle. Video tapes are in attics all over the country. The only record of communions, family events and match of the Day.


Gameboys:   The coolest retro item to survive the nineties!  A battery powered game console produced by Nintendo and the ‘must have’ toy of the nineties.  Prisoner of Zelda and Pokemon as you walked to school. Still awesome and worth a few bob if you have an original, in its case. Highest price paid for a retro Gameboy  €259.00 !  But hey,who kept this bad boy in its box?  Most people inadvertently bounced their Gameboy off the floor at least once a day.enhanced-buzz-896-1373320283-0

Barney: It would be ten years before this purple dinosaur became an
instrument of torture in Guantanamo Bay.  In the nineties, you loved him and he loved you.

 So take a bow, child of the nineties. Your wonder years were so uncool and kitsch that they are now actually officially super- cool. And you didn’t turn out so bad yourself.

Take a bow, child of the nineties.

6 Things you didn’t expect about expecting.

pregnancy-gestatio_2637113bCongratulations, A special time in life lies ahead of you. Here’s some things they didn’t tell you. 

Books and articles on pregnancy abound. Most will tell you what a wonderful time this is and what to expect in your second trimester. Indeed, it is a wonderful and special time. But there are many things which no one tells you. Here are some unexpected things about expecting.

No Touchy-feely my bump please! Somehow, once you begin to show, certain people (friends, family and random strangers) think that it is acceptable to touch your baby bump. Let’s face it, you are not some lucky Buddha to be rubbed for good luck. Back off weirdo. The best thing to do is to rub theirs back. They might think twice before crossing that personal space barrier again.

woman-laughing-in-laborLaugh so much you pee! Let’s face it, there is a lot of pressure on the body in the last stages of pregnancy. It should not be surprising, but laughing, coughing, sneezing can cause ‘snissing’. That’s the polite and cutesy name for peeing your pants while pregnant ladies. Don’t worry, you won’t need to buy adult nappies just yet and you have so little dignity left by the time you get to the final few weeks of pregnancy, frankly, you really won’t give a damn.

Feeling like Big Foot! Ok, I am not going to sugar coat it. Your feet might get bigger. A shoe size bigger. A wide shoe size. Alongside the Varicose Veins, Haemorrhoids, and Constipation which you have heard so much about, there is a fresh hell to consider. Water retention can mean that your favourite kitten heels will not fit. Don’t stress about it as you will be back in your favourite shoes when baby is born.

Cravings are real. Yes, it is not a myth. Cravings for hot and spicy jalapeno peppers, mushy peas, ice cream and chocolate are common. In fact, there is a scientific reason for pregnancy cravings. Yes, you guessed it.
Hormones. Most doctors advise that you allow shutterstock_68371888the cravings if they are healthy and make sense, but do not recommend that you give in to the
longing for a glass of white wine… which brings me to the next topic…

Missing alcohol. Yup. This is more common than you might think. While all the books, pamphlets and website show glowing mums-to-be floating through a meadow of wild flowers, wearing homespun cotton en route to their wholesome juice and granola burger dinner, the reality is a little different. Those clubbing days are still in your blood stream and many women admit to missing their favourite tipple. Nights out are not much fun in those flat wide shoes, snissing on the dance floor while you sip still water! Ho Hum girls. This too shall pass.

The glow is real A pregnancy glow exists. Hormones give good things too. That amazing radiant glow skin is a gift which kicks in during the second trimester. Of course not everyone experiences it in the same way, but generally speaking that wonderful radiance is yours, for free, for the duration. No doubt, once your special wee bundle arrives in the world, this glow of pure love will continue.

Pregnancy is a real time of change. Your body, your relationships, your lifestyle. But hey, there are times when you can embrace change and welcome the new. This is one of those times. Enjoy the expected and the unexpected with a good sense of humour and the knowledge that all of this is temporary.