Category: Modern Parenting

Just like parents of all ages and places, modern parenting remain interested in ensuring their off-spring’s survival, it is just that they now operate with very different assumptions about what survival will entail.

One can no longer necessarily thrive just by learning how to be dutiful and obedient and by practising the old arts of submission and deference. What counts in the new economy are qualities of confidence, creativity and originality.This modern philosophy of childhood makes everything meaningful, the child is exploring contrasting ideas of helplessness and resilience that will in later years help him to overcome romantic rejection and take advantage of professional opportunities.

Kids Home Remedies you haven’t thought off…yet

Children can become ill at the most unexpected times. Luckily most childhood illnesses and complaints are short lived and can be dealt with at home. There are a number of home remedies which have been passed through the family generations, or on parenting websites and from medical professionals which may be useful when your child is a little under the weather. None of these are intended to replace proper health care but to aid in the more minor problems that arise when parenting wee ones. Common sense must prevail and of course, you should always consult your doctor or chemist if you are concerned about a child’s ailments or if they are prolonged or severe. We have listed below, some tried and tested home remedies for dealing with minor complaints in children.

Diarrhoea and Tummy Upset: There really is only one Irish home remedy for children with a dodgy tummy or a dose of the dreaded ‘lurgy’. The ubiquitous flat white lemonade and plain biscuits! While this has a comedic value for anyone wanting to slag off traditional Irish parenting, there is, in fact a good scientific reason for administering flat fizzy drinks (technically un-fizzy drinks) and a rich tea biscuit (technically the ones left uneaten at the end of the Christmas tin). The reason is very simple; Rehydration. If a child will not drink the recommended rehydration products, such as Dyoralite or Tacesan, then flat seven up will impart the necessary sugar and salt to the system. A plain biscuit or a slice of toast is easy on the tummy for toddlers and children suffering from diarrhoea and or stomach upset. Never give fizzy drinks as this will make things worse.

Bananas are an effective and handy remedy for mild diarrhoea.

Constipation: Orange juice or some segments of mandarin or satsuma will assist in cases of constipation.

Colds and flu like symptoms: There is no substitute for TLC when a wee one is not feeling well. Tucking them up with soft blankets, warm drinks and lots of cuddles is the first step to recovery. Steaming or a home vaporiser can help with chestiness and shortness of breath. Honey and lemon drinks will help with sore throats (but honey is not recommended for children under 1 year). Add some garlic to sauces and dinners to aid recovery and resilience against germs.

Coughing: Turmeric is now considered to be a wonder spice and has amazing properties due to its antiseptic properties and is now used widely in combatting the symptoms of coughing. Mix ½ teaspoon with a little water and add to honey for a gentle cough mixture (not recommended for children under 3). While ginger is a time-honoured natural treatment for asthma. Its anti-inflammatory property helps reduce airway inflammation and inhibit airway contraction. Mix together equal amounts of ginger juice, pomegranate juice and honey. Give your child 1 tablespoon of this mixture 3 times a day. You can also like to give a coughing child ginger candies.

Bed wetting- Though technically not an ailment by any means, bed wetting can be very upsetting for child and adult alike. Cinnamon is reported to be of assistance in some cases and can be sprinkled over porridge or added to muffins before baking. The thinking is that the cinnamon spice keeps the body warm, which in turn helps to avoid nightly bed wetting.

Minor Bumps and Bruising: A tube of arnica gel is a godsend for the knocks and mishaps of normal childhood. Arnica comes from the cactus plant of the same name. No home should be without an arnica, as the leaves can be taken and squeezed directly on minor burns. Coconut Oil also has many antiseptic properties and is now recommended for use on minor scrapes and cuts. Simple spread a little on the minor injury and apply a Band-Aid or bandage accompanied by many little kisses and a lot of sympathy. Ensure the plaster or bandage is changed frequently.

Healthy happy children are the top of every parent’s wish list. Not all mishaps need a trip to the Accident and Emergency Department nor a long wait at the doctor’s surgery. Knowing when to treat at home and when to seek professional help is the key.

A leading homeopath and paediatrician Dr James Oskin is quoted in parenting.com

‘Minor bumps and bruises can safely be treated at home without a doctor’s help with over the counter, Arnica. Self-limiting coughs and colds can be treated with over-the-counter products. Self-limiting allergic rhinitis (hay fever) can be treated at home with over-the-counter homeopathic products. Basic earaches can also be treated with over-the-counter products since most ear infections are viral, self-limiting and will resolve on their own within 48-72 hours. If symptoms persist, parents they should seek medical attention if their child is not improving or getting worse within 1-2 days.”

Thankfully, tender loving care is the best and most readily available home remedy of all.

Baby Led Weaning – The New Approach to Weaning

Baby led weaning is a new approach to weaning your child and, just as the title says, lets your baby take the lead in choice and flavour of foods. Forget about mushy baby food purees, this approach takes you straight to soft solid foods that baby can hold and explore themselves. Baby led weaning is the way forward. It has revolutionised mealtimes for baby and parent. Sure, there is a bit of experimentation and a little mess, but you are a parent, you should be used to that now!

It has been an untested theory for years that children actually ingest their food through the skin around the mouth rather than by swallowing. Or so it would seem to any parent who has wiped up, mopped up and picked up the remains of a toddlers lunch. Somehow they seem to actually throw away more food than they originally had. It is a miracle that they thrive at all. But thrive they do, so roll the sleeves up, we are moving on to solids people!

So solid:

The best approach to this transition is to be easy going and calm. This means, preparing for the mess and covering the floor under the high chair drinks-when-weaning (if it really bothers you). Households with pets have a huge advantage here as family dogs are quick to learn that a high chair is a source of much discarded food. A living vacuum cleaner cannot be underestimated in the war against baby slops. Choose the foods which you wish to introduce to baby carefully. Shop wisely and research online to see which foods have
worked for other parents, and indeed, which have not. Trying new foods with a tired baby is probably not the best idea and it is recommended that babies be over six months old. Finally, a relaxed attitude to introducing new tastes and allowing your child to explore the textures, flavours and smells of new food in their own time, will pay dividends in the long run

Once you are armed with suitable nutrition for your wee one, you simply present the food in bite size pieces for them to enjoy. If they like it, they will eat it. If they do not, cue the pet hoover for the first mop ups. Some weaning-breastfeeding tasty starter foods are peas, rice, avocados, bananas, scrambled egg yolk and sweet potato. It’s a good idea to sit and eat together. Of course, baby will want to eat whatever you have on your plate, so it’s a good idea to have something suitable, i.e. not too spicy, to share. Get used to that! For so it will be for the coming twenty, thirty years. Nothing will ever be exclusively yours again. It’s your Pasta today and your Toyota tomorrow. Sharing is caring!

Your baby is sweet enough:

We all eat too much sugar and most of us are probably addicted to the stuff, if we care to admit it. With all the knowledge we have on the adverse effects of processed food and hidden sugars, we have a unique opportunity to free this new generation from the ‘sugar trap’. Do not give your precious baby any sugar/processed foods but rather let them enjoy the wonders of blueberries and raspberries and natural yoghurt.

Food is fun!

For most of babies weaning they will seem to play with food rather than eat it. (See previous thinking on the sucking in of foodstuffs through baby pores) Naturally you may worry that they are not getting enough nutrients. This is something all parents face. It is perfectly normal. Somewhere among the squishing, mashing licking and throwing, they are weaning_baby_200 eating enough. You are likely still breast or bottle feeding also, so there is no need to panic. If in doubt contact your health advisor.

Some people worry about baby choking during weaning. It is true that your baby will probably cough and gag quite often, as they stuff too much in their mouths or struggle to cope with the sensations. The gag reflux is much further forward in babies than in adults and while it can be scary to witness, it is extremely unlikely that your child will choke on a pea. For complete peace of mind, here is a helpful Youtube Video on what to do if an infant chokes.

There really is no right or wrong way of feeding your child. Unless, of course, you chose to purchase fast food meals and blend them for your children (Yes that actually happened in Ireland!). Mealtimes should be happy times and baby led weaning lends itself to more harmonious dining at home. It has one more, and fairly important advantage to pureed feeding. It absolutely gets rid of the need to taste and test those jars of mushed up baby foods. If this was your only reason for choosing baby led weaning, it would certainly be considered a valid and compelling one. Good luck with the move to big people food and Bon Appetite

Welcome to Baby Led Weaning

Parental Separation Anxiety – It’s not just the kids who feel it!

The first days of school, crèche and playgroup will soon be here for many families. In between the search for uniforms, school bags and equipment, there is hardly time to consider the dreaded separation anxiety. You have probably put a lot of thought and effort into getting your child ready for the adjustment to first time schooling. No doubt, your child is already chatting about the new adventure ahead. People will have remarked on how you might enjoy your new found freedom. However, it is likely that you feel a small tug at your own heart at the thought of this big step. If, like most parents, you’ve found yourself dreading the moment when you hand over that precious little person to the care of others, then don’t’ panic. It is a normal and perfectly understandable reaction. Finding the balance between a growing independence for your child and letting go easily is not easy.

We are happy to offer little helpful advice in ways to manage your own separation anxiety.

Shield your child from your anxiety: Don’t let them see how upset you are. Children pick up our cues. You can’t expect your child to look forward to playing with the other kids in preschool if you have tears in your eyes as you say goodbye. Try to control your emotions and don’t linger or cry. Leave as happily and matter-of –factly as you can and then, resist the urge to collect them early.

Keep Busy: Make a list of the things you plan to do in the few hours that your child will be elsewhere. It is tempting to spend the time watching the clock, but you deserve an undisturbed coffee, the chance to clean out the shed or a walk in nature.

Find others in the same situation: Lots of mums, dads and guardians are feeling pretty much the same as you are. A cuppa and a chat together can be helpful in putting things in perspective.

Be organised in good time before leaving the house: If you’re late, rushing and already under stress, you’ll be impatient with your child and it will not bode well for a happy farewell. It’s hard to feel good about saying goodbye and heading off to your own day, if the mood of a row is hanging in the air.

Be on time to collect your child: There is nothing that will increase the stress levels than a child swinging their feet on a bench waiting for a parent, while a teacher or childcare worker paces impatiently, waiting to get home to their own family. A few minutes early is acceptable to all.

Lose the guilt. Guilt is a useless emotion. Your child is safe. Whatever you decide to do with your time, do it without guilt and in the knowledge that your child is in the care of someone you know and trust. Remind yourself that you are a person of value who deserves and requires time to “recharge,” and that doing this will make you a better parent in the long run.

Unless you intend to spend your life cooking and cleaning for your adult children living at home in their forties and fifties, you must accept that separation is a part of life. Yes, it is a bittersweet parting when they are small wee ones who have spent almost every moment in your care. This feeling of anxiety and fear at parting will dissipate over time and soon you will feel normal. In the meantime, take it easy, acknowledge the feelings and know that all will be well in the long term.

Photo Credit: InnerConflicts

Is it time to drop the Selfie Stick and pick up the child?

Documenting baby’s precious moments is very important to all proud parents. Little ones change so fast. From crawling to walking. From walking to running and always, always growing up too quickly. It is understandable that parents want to capture happy memories forever. Selfies help us to remember a moment, even as it happens. In recent years we have even seen an upsurge in the ‘Brelfie’. Women posting selfies of themselves breastfeeding on social media platforms. Is this going too far? Some would call the selfie the best innovation for this generation of families. However, not everyone shares this positive view. In our digital age, are many of you parenting through a lens and what message is this giving to our children? Is it time to drop the selfie stick and pick up the child.

Child Psychologist Chetana Jude Alex warns about the messages you may be unwittingly imparting to your child as you constantly photograph and upload their image for public viewing, counting the ‘likes’ and replying to comments. She notes that ” Four-year-olds have become so self-aware that they make duck faces along with their older cousins to ‘stay with the trend’ and conform to what is prevalent in society.” We could be giving a completely confused message to our offspring which may result in them becoming addicted to this behaviour she notes “ This kind of vanity and narcissism borders on something called the Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It is a mental disorder in which people have “an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others”.

It is important to note that not all of us suffer from a disorder just because we take selfies. However some questions do arise : Are we leading by bad example, particularly when we may have a different message for our children as they become teenagers and start posting unrestricted selfies themselves ? Are we giving them a ‘red carpet mentality’ where they think that everything they do is completely amazing and must be shared. SnapChat has already bought into this premise with their ‘My Story’ option on the App. My story allows for a constant updating of selfies and reports on meals and daily. Happenings. SnapChat is mainly used by teenagers and young adults.

Most parents just want to document their kid’s life, with themselves and the important people in the child’s life alongside them. They want to impart a sense of self confidence and self-worth. This is commendable and admirable. But this does not explain why so many videos, instagram pics and snapshots end up shared on social media. Ms Chetana offers no answers, but asks some pertinent questions. “Do we share selfies to include others in our special moment, or is it because boredom has lowered our self-esteem to a level where it can be elevated only through superficial smiles? Do we give others an open access to all our private moments to build a stronger bond, or be a victim of a controlling, manipulative relationship and lose our identity as well as privacy? In the age of selfies, where one cannot enforce external controls of supervision due to the hand-sized portal into a different world, it becomes imperative to exercise self-discipline and also to teach our younglings the true meaning of self-esteem and self-regard. For, selfies are also used to post a resume to get a dream job, and also to remind you that there is a difference between narcissism and self-love.” Tough words from the child psychologist who clearly is not a fan of new media for children.

We all can agree on one thing. Many of those ‘fail’ and ‘try not to laugh’ uploads to YouTube which feature toddlers and babies falling over in 4 ft. of snow or being licked by a giant Rottweiler are a dubious form of
entertainment. The parents or guardians who continue to film as a toddler, wobbler or tweenie slowly totters into the family swimming pool, are in dire need of parenting classes and a detox from technology. In these cases sharing is definitely not caring. The internet will spew these images at your child when they are fourty and they will be within their rights to say ‘You held an Iphone but not my hand.’ It might be time to stop second screening of your children’s lives and join them in the privacy of the here and now.

Photo Credit: Yuliya Skorobogatova

How to deal with Tantrums effectively

They are not called the ‘terrible twos’ for nothing! Tantrums and hissy fits are something most parents have to deal with and they can happen between the ages of one and three. Toddler tantrums can see the child go literally out of his mind as emotions completely take over. Ear piercing screeching, kicking, hitting, crying and totally losing control are distressing for both child and adult.

Don’t panic. Every parent has a hard time dealing with toddler mayhem and no one has the definitive answer in how to deal with it. Tantrums need to be handled differently, depending on the reason for the upset. Sometimes you need to provide comfort for the child and at other times, they may need some time out. While there is no definitive solution to coping with a tantrum, here are some pointers which will may help.

Focus on staying calm: This is far from easy as we are programmed to respond when our children cry and so a flailing, screaming upset child evokes huge emotion in us. So, decide on a few steps when the tantrum kicks off.

1. Is the child in a safe place. Obviously if they choose to kick off in the centre of a bus lane, your priority is moving them to safety.

2. Concentrate on your own breathing, stay calm and wait till the tempest dies down a bit.

3. Do not try to talk to your little one when in the middle of a screaming tantrum, they cannot listen or process anything reasonable. Wait till things are calmer before trying to talk to them.

Don’t be drawn into arguments with the child: You are the adult. You are in control, so don’t get drawn into a screaming match about the kick-off issue. Refrain from hauling a distressed child off the floor until they are calm again. Never hit or scream back. The actions you take should reinforcing a calm and positive approach toward problem solving.

Think of these ‘terrible two’s’ as a developmental stage and as such it is a learning curve for your child: After the tantrum, discuss what happened. Assure the child of how much they are loved and explain that this behaviour is not the best way to deal with frustration.

Avoid the next one: Hungry, tired and frustrated little people are likely to tantrum. If your toddler is tired, then it is probably not a good idea to go grocery shopping. Avoid the triggers combinations of exhaustion, hunger, over stimulated and over-heated. Consider any request when your child want something. Choose your battles and accommodate when you can, without giving into outrageous demands. Distract when you need to and praise often. It is not easy to be a small person in a world where everything is out of your control, so allow some decisions, ‘Do you want to eat a banana or a plum? Which story book would you like to read. A small amount of empowerment will encourage a happier child.

Remember toddler tantrums are not usually cause for concern and generally stop on their own. As kids mature, they gain self-control. They learn to cooperate, communicate, and cope with frustration. Less frustration and more control mean fewer tantrums — and happier parents.

So stay calm and let it pass.

Stop Mom Judging!!!!

Almost 64% of women surveyed for an English newspaper reported feeling judged, when their babies cry or when their toddler throws a tantrum in a public place. Almost a third said that breastfeeding was fraught with negative reactions from the people, while 43% said that they endured judgemental stares from strangers in relation to their parenting in public spaces.

In contrast, a video of an elderly lady approaching a young breast feeding mum in a restaurant and cutting the young mothers food into fork size pieces, while telling her what a good mother she was and that her food should not go cold, became an internet sensation. Why is an act of supporting a young parent so unusual and judging so common?

Here are some top tips for the judgemental among you… Stop Mom judging and start supporting!

Do not tell me about other people’s babies who sleep through entire nights, waking only to feed daintily and have tiny fairy poo’s before they drift off into dreamland. This is mythical nonsense. If you persist in telling these tales, it’s likely that some projectile vomit may be directed your way courtesy of my sleepless, crying, nappy filling offspring.

Make no nasty comments, heavy sighs or mean looks: When my baby is upset in public, I am upset in public. I am stressed and trying to cope. In this situation, how does your open confrontation, loud tutting or aggressive stares help to ease things? Don’t ask my baby if she is tired, or hungry. Don’t play Peepo with her. A stranger making weird faces will not really assist at this time. Do smile at me and let me know sympathetically that you know I am distressed and that it is going to be O.K.

Food : Breast or bottle? Don’t criticise my food choices for me and or my offspring. Breast or bottle, sugar or no sugar, organic or non-organic. It’s a private matter and unless I bring the subject up, it’s hidden, like the stash of Smarties you keep on the high shelf of your kitchen cupboard.

Minor Ailments : I look after my child 24 hours a day, so I know that a rogue sharp nail has caused a tiny scratch on his face. I also am aware that the little person in my care has cradle-cap, eczema, a spot, or a bean stuck up their nose. I hear them coughing too. You pointing it out is not helpful but contributes to my gathering belief that I am indeed, a bad mother. If you are not a health professional then keep any remarks on sniffles, spots and other minor ailments to yourself. Tell us how beautiful we are!

Don’t commiserate me on my post –baby body. Giving birth is akin to opening your mouth and regurgitating a water melon. A water melon that has been carried for nine months in my belly. Yes, I don’t look the same. Yes, I am sleep deprived and overworked and yes, I will do my exercises and No, I do not need you commenting. Neither should you congratulate other new mothers on their flat tummies and relaxed appearance within earshot. Compliment my hair, the glow of love in my eyes (although that might be severe exhaustion) and leave the ‘losing the baby weight’ conversations where I leave the penis size ones. Let’s just not go there.

Parenting is one of the most difficult and rewarding jobs you will ever undertake. There is no magical formula for raising children and no absolutely correct way to parent. A secure warm environment where their needs are met with comfort and love is essential. Controversies arise over potty training, co sleeping and a myriad of parenting methods. It is time to acknowledge and support parents and stop the critical judging, especially in public.

To mums and dads who bear the brunt of criticism while coping with a distraught baby we advise one simple act. Make eye contact with the Judgy mcJudgys and slowly release one finger from your grasp on baby and display it proudly in their direction.