Choosing a Family Pet – What you need to know…

So, you have finally succumbed to family pressure and decided to get a pet in 2017. This is a big decision. Sure, the kids are promising faithfully to do all the cleaning up and the feeding. The spouse is starry eyed thinking of the cuddles and warmth associated with welcoming a bird, animal or fish into your family unit, It is up to you, the sensible one, to keep everything sane. Firstly, you should know that you are not alone. Over 60% of Irish households list a pet, a dog, cat or other animal part of their family. Pet ownership is on the increase and as you join the statistics, there are some important things which others have learned to consider.

Firstly, you should decide what kind of pet is going to add to the disruption of your life. Size matters and is in direct proportion to the upset and upheaval caused. A goldfish called Benny, will take little space, make no noise, be cheaply fed and might just tick the children’s box of ‘someone else to love’. However, as the song about doggies in windows famously says ‘You cannot take a gold fish for walks’. It is likely that your offspring will want a dog or cat as a pet. Almost half of all Irish pet owners list a dog as their pet of choice. So, if you have no luck enticing the children to welcome a Parakeet (noisy, kinda messy but not too life changing) or a Hamster, mouse or Guinea Pig (messy, smelly but small enough to be hidden away) then you are going down the quadruped route. Here are some pointers for choosing a dog or cat to share your life.

Cats: We don’t chose them. They choose us and then disdainfully spend the rest of their lives in annoyance that we are absolutely untrainable. From a cat’s perspective, you are here to serve them and let’s face it, you will never meet their high expectations. Cat owners experience a high level of haughty looks, interspersed with some random contact, rubbing against legs and purring, in order to maintain the Stockholm syndrome which is the default position of most cat owners. On the plus side, cats ate attractive, generally clean and independent. This might be the pet for you as it meets all the criteria of family pet without too much interaction.

Dogs: If unconditional love and devotion are missing in your life, then you need a dog. Incredibly loyal, fun and useful as both guard dogs and exercise machines (they promote a lot of walking, running and fetching). A dog is the most popular pet for human families. On the down side, they are smelly, particularly when wet. They chew things and demand a lot of attention. Unlike cats, they don’t like being left alone and in general, we can presume that the family dog considered itself to be another child, sibling or family member. Dogs are a great comfort and many would say that a good humoured dog is much more preferable company than their human counterpart.

In all this decision making, there are some rudimentary considerations. These are based on common sense and should be considered carefully before the children have a chance to set their sights on the batting eyelashes and pleading look of a Great Dane or a rescue Donkey. Space! How much space can you give to the new pet? Dogs, cats and horses need space both inside and out (well, mostly out for the horses)! Will the animal require outside winter housing. If you live in an apartment or flat, the size of the animal will obviously be a factor. Cost! All pets cost money. Food, Kennels, cattery or dog minder (when away). Vaccinations, medications, toys etc all cost money, Calculate a budget before your final decision and remember that vet bills can be a factor from time to time. Certain animals require a specific diet, which can also increase your budget (parrots, for example, eat pellets, vegetables and nuts). Some pets may also need trainers, an added cost that can quickly add up. Who is in charge! Establish who is in charge of the pet. Some animal need a lot of caring. Dogs need to be walked, mice need cage cleaning and fish need to be fed. If your children are young, factor in their growing up and leaving you with the pet as the new life of college, dating, mating and producing families of their own will see you looking after a family pet in your own old age.

On the upside, studies have shown that children who grow up with pets have better self-esteem, show more empathy and a more caring attitude. Responsibility is fostered in those caring for animals. Families with pets interact with each other more as the pet provides a focus for fun activities and general shared mayhem. Choose your new family member wisely and enjoy the benefits to come.

Bed Wetting – The Tried & Tested Guide to combat Bedwetting

Nothing is more taboo in parenting circles than bed wetting. It’s one of those problems that elicits a plethora of advice from well-meaning parents of children who do not bed-wet! As much as this is infuriating for the parents of children who do have this issue, that annoyance is eclipsed by the feelings of inadequacy and failure which parents of serial bed-wetter’s already feel. So, first things first.

Never presume that every effort to address the problem has not already been explored by the family involved and the same rules apply as with sleeping babies. If you have a baby who sleeps through the night, be happy but be quiet. If you have children and never experienced bed wetting, be happy but be quiet!

It won’t last forever

If your child has nocturnal enuresis, or accidental loss of urine during sleep, they are not alone. A quick trip down the nappy aisle of any major supermarket will reveal the need for sleepwear products designed for older children. In fact 15% of all children suffer from bed wetting at one time or another. The HSE are clear in their advice that bed wetting is normal in children under 5 years of age and quite common in older children.

The good news is that as a child grows, their bladder capacity also grows, the need to urinate lessons and they learn to wake up when the need arises, so they are likely to stop bedwetting as time passes. If you are worried about bed-wetting, it is advisable to seek professional advice and, of course, there are a few classic dos and don’ts.

1. Never make the child feel embarrassed about bed-wetting.

2. Do not punish or reward. It is not their fault and they cannot control the situation.

3. Encourage normal drinking of fluids as it is important to recognise a full bladder.

4. Make sure your child eats enough fruit and veg as it prevents constipation, which can cause bed wetting.

5. Stay calm and invest in a good under sheet and pull up pants to eliminate the stress of cleaning up.

6. Encourage your child to change the sheets with you. This is a family issue which you are openly and calmly handing together.

7. Ensure child uses the loo before bed and leave a light on in case they need to get up during the night.

8. Don’t use a waking strategy. This is a short term answer.

9. Seek professional advice or a referral to a enuresis advisor if you feel

Bed wetting has been an issue for parents and children for generations. As such, we need to take a gentle and realistic approach. It is a temporary problem but if it is not treated with common sense and respect in the childhood years, it may leave psychological scars for the adult. Stress and anxiety can be responsible for the start of bed wetting, but can also make it worse. So Stay calm and carry On Being the wonderful Parent you know you are!

Kids Home Remedies you haven’t thought off…yet

Children can become ill at the most unexpected times. Luckily most childhood illnesses and complaints are short lived and can be dealt with at home. There are a number of home remedies which have been passed through the family generations, or on parenting websites and from medical professionals which may be useful when your child is a little under the weather. None of these are intended to replace proper health care but to aid in the more minor problems that arise when parenting wee ones. Common sense must prevail and of course, you should always consult your doctor or chemist if you are concerned about a child’s ailments or if they are prolonged or severe. We have listed below, some tried and tested home remedies for dealing with minor complaints in children.

Diarrhoea and Tummy Upset: There really is only one Irish home remedy for children with a dodgy tummy or a dose of the dreaded ‘lurgy’. The ubiquitous flat white lemonade and plain biscuits! While this has a comedic value for anyone wanting to slag off traditional Irish parenting, there is, in fact a good scientific reason for administering flat fizzy drinks (technically un-fizzy drinks) and a rich tea biscuit (technically the ones left uneaten at the end of the Christmas tin). The reason is very simple; Rehydration. If a child will not drink the recommended rehydration products, such as Dyoralite or Tacesan, then flat seven up will impart the necessary sugar and salt to the system. A plain biscuit or a slice of toast is easy on the tummy for toddlers and children suffering from diarrhoea and or stomach upset. Never give fizzy drinks as this will make things worse.

Bananas are an effective and handy remedy for mild diarrhoea.

Constipation: Orange juice or some segments of mandarin or satsuma will assist in cases of constipation.

Colds and flu like symptoms: There is no substitute for TLC when a wee one is not feeling well. Tucking them up with soft blankets, warm drinks and lots of cuddles is the first step to recovery. Steaming or a home vaporiser can help with chestiness and shortness of breath. Honey and lemon drinks will help with sore throats (but honey is not recommended for children under 1 year). Add some garlic to sauces and dinners to aid recovery and resilience against germs.

Coughing: Turmeric is now considered to be a wonder spice and has amazing properties due to its antiseptic properties and is now used widely in combatting the symptoms of coughing. Mix ½ teaspoon with a little water and add to honey for a gentle cough mixture (not recommended for children under 3). While ginger is a time-honoured natural treatment for asthma. Its anti-inflammatory property helps reduce airway inflammation and inhibit airway contraction. Mix together equal amounts of ginger juice, pomegranate juice and honey. Give your child 1 tablespoon of this mixture 3 times a day. You can also like to give a coughing child ginger candies.

Bed wetting- Though technically not an ailment by any means, bed wetting can be very upsetting for child and adult alike. Cinnamon is reported to be of assistance in some cases and can be sprinkled over porridge or added to muffins before baking. The thinking is that the cinnamon spice keeps the body warm, which in turn helps to avoid nightly bed wetting.

Minor Bumps and Bruising: A tube of arnica gel is a godsend for the knocks and mishaps of normal childhood. Arnica comes from the cactus plant of the same name. No home should be without an arnica, as the leaves can be taken and squeezed directly on minor burns. Coconut Oil also has many antiseptic properties and is now recommended for use on minor scrapes and cuts. Simple spread a little on the minor injury and apply a Band-Aid or bandage accompanied by many little kisses and a lot of sympathy. Ensure the plaster or bandage is changed frequently.

Healthy happy children are the top of every parent’s wish list. Not all mishaps need a trip to the Accident and Emergency Department nor a long wait at the doctor’s surgery. Knowing when to treat at home and when to seek professional help is the key.

A leading homeopath and paediatrician Dr James Oskin is quoted in parenting.com

‘Minor bumps and bruises can safely be treated at home without a doctor’s help with over the counter, Arnica. Self-limiting coughs and colds can be treated with over-the-counter products. Self-limiting allergic rhinitis (hay fever) can be treated at home with over-the-counter homeopathic products. Basic earaches can also be treated with over-the-counter products since most ear infections are viral, self-limiting and will resolve on their own within 48-72 hours. If symptoms persist, parents they should seek medical attention if their child is not improving or getting worse within 1-2 days.”

Thankfully, tender loving care is the best and most readily available home remedy of all.

Car Seats – Making the Right Choice for Your Family

Your car seat purchases are probably the most important you will make throughout the different development stages of your child. Car seat stages are divided into Groups, each group representing a weight category for your child. (Group 0 Newborn-13Kg, Group 1 9-18Kg, Group 2 15-25kg, Group 3 22-36Kg). Having the correct child seat installed correctly can reduce injuries by 90-95% in Rearward facing Group 0 seats and by 60% in forward facing seats.

A staggering 4 out of 5 child car seats are incorrectly fitted. When the Irish Road Safety Authority checked 5,000 car seats they were horrified to find that only a fifth were correctly fitted, adjusted and suitable for purpose. Most seats required major adjustment and a hundred and fifty seats were deemed dangerous and unfit for use.

Most children are carried in the car every day and it is our duty to ensure that they the most vulnerable wee members of the family are safe and secure as they travel.

What the Law says:

Drivers have a legal responsibility to ensure that all passengers under 17 are appropriately restrained in the vehicle. All children under 150cms in height or 36kgs (79lbs) in weight must use a child restraint system (CRS) suitable for their height and weight while travelling in a car or goods vehicle (other than a taxi). An example of a CRS would be a child car seat or booster cushion. Rear-facing child car seats must not be used in passenger seats protected by an active frontal airbag. An airbag which deploys (opens up) in front of a rearward-facing child car seat can cause serious injury or even death if there is a collision.

There is no law against children sitting in the front seat, as long as they are using the right child restraint for their height and weight. However, it is illegal to use a rearward-facing child car seat in a passenger seat protected by an airbag. The deployment of an airbag where a rearward–facing baby seat is in place can cause serious injury to the child or even death.

Children should always travel in the back of the car, away from active airbags and the dashboard.

What Common Sense Says:

Buy the seat from a reputable retailer who can give advice. Together you can choose a car seat that meets your own needs, your child’s age and weight and is suitable for your vehicle and your wallet. There is no shortage of choice when it comes to purchasing a child seat. Some things to note. Ensure it is to the correct EU Standard. R4403 /04 or i-SIZE (Regulation 129). A yellow or orange sticker with an ‘E’ mark and weight guidelines confirms this.

Taxi drivers are exempt from providing child seats so if you use taxis often, ensure that you have a seat which can be brought with you and fixed securely and quickly. When purchasing your car seat, try to have the car seat fitted into the car before you buy it. Ask the expert to show you how to fit the car seat. If this is not possible, you should make sure that there is an easy-to-follow instruction manual with the seat and that you fully understand it. This is where the ISOFIX international standards come into their own.

ISOFIX

This is a wonderful improvement to the world of child restraints, An International standard of built-in attachment points in the car’s structure which allows the car seat to be easily plugged into the ISOFIX system. This greatly reduces the risk of incorrectly fitting a seat. ISOFIX points are built in when the car is manufactured, and child seat manufacturers are more commonly producing child seats that suit the ISOFIX system.

But even without ISOFIX, you can be guided toward a car seat which will suit your needs. Check out our own website for a great selection of seats and please feel free to call in and discuss with our trained staff.

To Be sure … to be sure.

If you still feel that you need some reassurance that the seat you chose is the right one, fitted correctly and the best one for the job, the Road Safety Authority offer free checks of child car seats. The‘Check it Fits’ service is a free nationwide scheme which can put parents’, grandparents’ and guardians’ minds at ease by having RSA safety experts check that your child’s car seat. For more details check out their website here.

http://www.rsa.ie/en/RSA/Road-Safety/Campaigns/Current-road-safety-campaigns/No-Child-Car-Seat—No-Excuse/Check-it-Fits-Service/

The Latest Post-Pregnancy Trend that’s Sweeping the Nation

As the congratulations on your new arrival die down and you consider throwing out the dying flowers and ponder just how long you can leave those baby cards on display before them turning yellow, you might consider the lives of other new mums. How do they cope with the greatest life change since their own birth? Blogs and articles have made nosiness acceptable and allow you to see into the lives of other new mums. Sometimes, you see too much and sometimes you see what they want you to see. Just Google ‘new mum’ and ‘Blogging’ or ‘vlogging’ and amaze yourself at the amount of new mothers who are documenting their daily lives and sharing it with the masses. Now you may well ask yourself how they have the time to write a blog, pick a fancy font and upload cool pics in which their hair is brushed and their clothes match while you have tried three times, unsuccessfully to brush your teeth today. Under the circumstances and all things considered, it is OK to dislike the blogging mum!

Smug Mum Blogs: These are the worst. So Uber cool, with black and white art house pics of Mum rolling in 100% Egyptian cotton sheets that have never been hit by projectile vomiting and stray poo from hap hazard nappy changing. Stylised parenting by hipsters and cool dudes whose kids have gender neutral names like Charlie, Jordan and Trixie – Boo. Don’t look at these unless you want to feel more inadequate than you usually do. Never look at them late at night with a glass of wine in hand. Your computer might not be able to take the abuse.

Advising/Helpful Mum Blogs: If looking for advice on anything from the use of a recliner chair to when the first tooth might appear, a whole bunch of advising blogs are at your disposal. A lot of these are sponsored by Companies, but written by real humans like you and me and they can be the source of great practical advice. The style of the first few sentences is a great indicator of what to expect. Some blogs may even direct you to special offers on equipment, food etc. Others suggest new recipes and relate funny stories from other parents. The bulk of blogs come into this category and if you find one you like, it can be a source of information and reassurance. Basically you are reading a magazine online and the editor feels like a friend.

Funny Mummy: Oh yes, parenting is so funny that some mums need to relate, in a comedic manner, their daily escapades raising their offspring. You have to admire their ability to see humour in what can sometimes seem to be a relentless, tedious and thankless job. Funny mummy blogs (reading or writing) are probably the best solution to frustration when you cannot afford counselling. Laughter is the best medicine (or so that overused cliché says) so get yourself a dose of the best here. It will reinforce the premise that there is always someone worse off than yourself and does includes one blog called. People I want to punch in the throat. Hmmm.

One step beyond- Vlogging: Vlogging is blogging by video. Yes, believe it or not there are a lot of families who parent with a video/smart phone at the ready and upload such delights as their children having ears syringed or swinging in the park… both equally riveting (not) when you do not know, or may never know the people involved. How this will affect the
next generation is yet to be played out but I look forward to the day when one of the featured offspring has a melt down at the lack of privacy and the intrusion on their precious childhood and breaks some camera. No doubt that episode will get lots of hits. The motivation for this vlogging is not hard to understand when you see that a vlog like itsjudyslife has 1,388,444 subscribers and according to the website social blade (socialblade.com) nets the said Judy somewhere between 3 and 47 thousand euro a month depending on the hits. Remember if you log on to look at this vlog, you are putting more money in her pocket and only encouraging her. Down with this sort of thing!

So, new mums are blogging and vlogging and other mums are definitely reading and watching. Whatever the tone of these useful and distracting online click-bait missives, there is one over-riding question that every non-blogging mother will ask. Who has time for this stuff?

For those of you still curious, check out these mom blogs!

irishparentingbloggers.com
peopleiwanttopunchinthethroat.com
hipstermum.com
jollymom.com
mamaandbabylove.com/how-i-almost-became-the-smug-mom
mindthebaby.ie
notanothermummyblog.com

Baby Led Weaning – The New Approach to Weaning

Baby led weaning is a new approach to weaning your child and, just as the title says, lets your baby take the lead in choice and flavour of foods. Forget about mushy baby food purees, this approach takes you straight to soft solid foods that baby can hold and explore themselves. Baby led weaning is the way forward. It has revolutionised mealtimes for baby and parent. Sure, there is a bit of experimentation and a little mess, but you are a parent, you should be used to that now!

It has been an untested theory for years that children actually ingest their food through the skin around the mouth rather than by swallowing. Or so it would seem to any parent who has wiped up, mopped up and picked up the remains of a toddlers lunch. Somehow they seem to actually throw away more food than they originally had. It is a miracle that they thrive at all. But thrive they do, so roll the sleeves up, we are moving on to solids people!

So solid:

The best approach to this transition is to be easy going and calm. This means, preparing for the mess and covering the floor under the high chair drinks-when-weaning (if it really bothers you). Households with pets have a huge advantage here as family dogs are quick to learn that a high chair is a source of much discarded food. A living vacuum cleaner cannot be underestimated in the war against baby slops. Choose the foods which you wish to introduce to baby carefully. Shop wisely and research online to see which foods have
worked for other parents, and indeed, which have not. Trying new foods with a tired baby is probably not the best idea and it is recommended that babies be over six months old. Finally, a relaxed attitude to introducing new tastes and allowing your child to explore the textures, flavours and smells of new food in their own time, will pay dividends in the long run

Once you are armed with suitable nutrition for your wee one, you simply present the food in bite size pieces for them to enjoy. If they like it, they will eat it. If they do not, cue the pet hoover for the first mop ups. Some weaning-breastfeeding tasty starter foods are peas, rice, avocados, bananas, scrambled egg yolk and sweet potato. It’s a good idea to sit and eat together. Of course, baby will want to eat whatever you have on your plate, so it’s a good idea to have something suitable, i.e. not too spicy, to share. Get used to that! For so it will be for the coming twenty, thirty years. Nothing will ever be exclusively yours again. It’s your Pasta today and your Toyota tomorrow. Sharing is caring!

Your baby is sweet enough:

We all eat too much sugar and most of us are probably addicted to the stuff, if we care to admit it. With all the knowledge we have on the adverse effects of processed food and hidden sugars, we have a unique opportunity to free this new generation from the ‘sugar trap’. Do not give your precious baby any sugar/processed foods but rather let them enjoy the wonders of blueberries and raspberries and natural yoghurt.

Food is fun!

For most of babies weaning they will seem to play with food rather than eat it. (See previous thinking on the sucking in of foodstuffs through baby pores) Naturally you may worry that they are not getting enough nutrients. This is something all parents face. It is perfectly normal. Somewhere among the squishing, mashing licking and throwing, they are weaning_baby_200 eating enough. You are likely still breast or bottle feeding also, so there is no need to panic. If in doubt contact your health advisor.

Some people worry about baby choking during weaning. It is true that your baby will probably cough and gag quite often, as they stuff too much in their mouths or struggle to cope with the sensations. The gag reflux is much further forward in babies than in adults and while it can be scary to witness, it is extremely unlikely that your child will choke on a pea. For complete peace of mind, here is a helpful Youtube Video on what to do if an infant chokes.

There really is no right or wrong way of feeding your child. Unless, of course, you chose to purchase fast food meals and blend them for your children (Yes that actually happened in Ireland!). Mealtimes should be happy times and baby led weaning lends itself to more harmonious dining at home. It has one more, and fairly important advantage to pureed feeding. It absolutely gets rid of the need to taste and test those jars of mushed up baby foods. If this was your only reason for choosing baby led weaning, it would certainly be considered a valid and compelling one. Good luck with the move to big people food and Bon Appetite

Welcome to Baby Led Weaning

Parental Separation Anxiety – It’s not just the kids who feel it!

The first days of school, crèche and playgroup will soon be here for many families. In between the search for uniforms, school bags and equipment, there is hardly time to consider the dreaded separation anxiety. You have probably put a lot of thought and effort into getting your child ready for the adjustment to first time schooling. No doubt, your child is already chatting about the new adventure ahead. People will have remarked on how you might enjoy your new found freedom. However, it is likely that you feel a small tug at your own heart at the thought of this big step. If, like most parents, you’ve found yourself dreading the moment when you hand over that precious little person to the care of others, then don’t’ panic. It is a normal and perfectly understandable reaction. Finding the balance between a growing independence for your child and letting go easily is not easy.

We are happy to offer little helpful advice in ways to manage your own separation anxiety.

Shield your child from your anxiety: Don’t let them see how upset you are. Children pick up our cues. You can’t expect your child to look forward to playing with the other kids in preschool if you have tears in your eyes as you say goodbye. Try to control your emotions and don’t linger or cry. Leave as happily and matter-of –factly as you can and then, resist the urge to collect them early.

Keep Busy: Make a list of the things you plan to do in the few hours that your child will be elsewhere. It is tempting to spend the time watching the clock, but you deserve an undisturbed coffee, the chance to clean out the shed or a walk in nature.

Find others in the same situation: Lots of mums, dads and guardians are feeling pretty much the same as you are. A cuppa and a chat together can be helpful in putting things in perspective.

Be organised in good time before leaving the house: If you’re late, rushing and already under stress, you’ll be impatient with your child and it will not bode well for a happy farewell. It’s hard to feel good about saying goodbye and heading off to your own day, if the mood of a row is hanging in the air.

Be on time to collect your child: There is nothing that will increase the stress levels than a child swinging their feet on a bench waiting for a parent, while a teacher or childcare worker paces impatiently, waiting to get home to their own family. A few minutes early is acceptable to all.

Lose the guilt. Guilt is a useless emotion. Your child is safe. Whatever you decide to do with your time, do it without guilt and in the knowledge that your child is in the care of someone you know and trust. Remind yourself that you are a person of value who deserves and requires time to “recharge,” and that doing this will make you a better parent in the long run.

Unless you intend to spend your life cooking and cleaning for your adult children living at home in their forties and fifties, you must accept that separation is a part of life. Yes, it is a bittersweet parting when they are small wee ones who have spent almost every moment in your care. This feeling of anxiety and fear at parting will dissipate over time and soon you will feel normal. In the meantime, take it easy, acknowledge the feelings and know that all will be well in the long term.

Photo Credit: InnerConflicts

Is it time to drop the Selfie Stick and pick up the child?

Documenting baby’s precious moments is very important to all proud parents. Little ones change so fast. From crawling to walking. From walking to running and always, always growing up too quickly. It is understandable that parents want to capture happy memories forever. Selfies help us to remember a moment, even as it happens. In recent years we have even seen an upsurge in the ‘Brelfie’. Women posting selfies of themselves breastfeeding on social media platforms. Is this going too far? Some would call the selfie the best innovation for this generation of families. However, not everyone shares this positive view. In our digital age, are many of you parenting through a lens and what message is this giving to our children? Is it time to drop the selfie stick and pick up the child.

Child Psychologist Chetana Jude Alex warns about the messages you may be unwittingly imparting to your child as you constantly photograph and upload their image for public viewing, counting the ‘likes’ and replying to comments. She notes that ” Four-year-olds have become so self-aware that they make duck faces along with their older cousins to ‘stay with the trend’ and conform to what is prevalent in society.” We could be giving a completely confused message to our offspring which may result in them becoming addicted to this behaviour she notes “ This kind of vanity and narcissism borders on something called the Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It is a mental disorder in which people have “an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others”.

It is important to note that not all of us suffer from a disorder just because we take selfies. However some questions do arise : Are we leading by bad example, particularly when we may have a different message for our children as they become teenagers and start posting unrestricted selfies themselves ? Are we giving them a ‘red carpet mentality’ where they think that everything they do is completely amazing and must be shared. SnapChat has already bought into this premise with their ‘My Story’ option on the App. My story allows for a constant updating of selfies and reports on meals and daily. Happenings. SnapChat is mainly used by teenagers and young adults.

Most parents just want to document their kid’s life, with themselves and the important people in the child’s life alongside them. They want to impart a sense of self confidence and self-worth. This is commendable and admirable. But this does not explain why so many videos, instagram pics and snapshots end up shared on social media. Ms Chetana offers no answers, but asks some pertinent questions. “Do we share selfies to include others in our special moment, or is it because boredom has lowered our self-esteem to a level where it can be elevated only through superficial smiles? Do we give others an open access to all our private moments to build a stronger bond, or be a victim of a controlling, manipulative relationship and lose our identity as well as privacy? In the age of selfies, where one cannot enforce external controls of supervision due to the hand-sized portal into a different world, it becomes imperative to exercise self-discipline and also to teach our younglings the true meaning of self-esteem and self-regard. For, selfies are also used to post a resume to get a dream job, and also to remind you that there is a difference between narcissism and self-love.” Tough words from the child psychologist who clearly is not a fan of new media for children.

We all can agree on one thing. Many of those ‘fail’ and ‘try not to laugh’ uploads to YouTube which feature toddlers and babies falling over in 4 ft. of snow or being licked by a giant Rottweiler are a dubious form of
entertainment. The parents or guardians who continue to film as a toddler, wobbler or tweenie slowly totters into the family swimming pool, are in dire need of parenting classes and a detox from technology. In these cases sharing is definitely not caring. The internet will spew these images at your child when they are fourty and they will be within their rights to say ‘You held an Iphone but not my hand.’ It might be time to stop second screening of your children’s lives and join them in the privacy of the here and now.

Photo Credit: Yuliya Skorobogatova

New Dad Survival Guide – The First Few Weeks

Top tips for surviving the first few weeks of fatherhood, while collecting brownie points from you partner, enjoying the baby and not going totally insane!

So that new little person has finally arrived. Your house is full of strange looking plastic equipment. Your partner is hormonal, emotional and exhausted. A tiny baby stares up at you and wraps its little hand around your thumb, holding on for dear life. You are officially the man of the house!

It’s daunting and new. Chill out my friend. We have some top tips which will assist the new Dad in keeping everyone happy and in surviving and even enjoying the first few weeks.

A Few Don’ts:

To keep fully out of trouble here are a few complete No-No’s .

Do not agree with your partner that she a) looks tired. b) is fat c)has no clue what she is doing.
These seemingly innocent comments, uttered in exhaustion, and from an over-riding need for reassurance are potential traps. Instil an automated response to all these and any other tricky remarks that might catch you off guard. She is more beautiful now. A wonderful mother. Even in her complete tiredness, she looks magnificent. Of course, you mean every word, but an unintentional slip of the tongue at this sensitive time could be very costly. Be wary.

Never, ever complain of being tired.
You may be a zombie servant to the overlords of sleep deprivation and exhaustion but do not mention it. Refrain from any moaning and complaining, unless you want a complete melt-down, a lecture on what she has been through or the silent treatment (hmmmmm?) Even if you are viewing the world through bloodshot slits and you have not the strength to open a tin of beans, accept it stoically and silently. Man Up! In this particular scenario, you just don’t have the legitimacy to complain.

Don’t Google.
True, there is no manual with this particular model and the temptation to Google anything from ‘tiny milk spots on babies face’ to ‘never ending crying’ can be overwhelming. Beware! When it comes to babies, Google will return with an overwhelming number of replies, each one presenting a more horrendous outcome than the last. Don’t Google. The answers lie elsewhere.

A few essential hints that every new Dad needs to know:

There is no such thing as too many wipes.
Yes. You will have to face the nuclear waste of those nappies. (How can one small baby make such a mess?) You will have to take your turn. If it is really affecting you, stick a Vicks nasal stick up each nostril, suck on a hard candy and sing the theme of the A Team. Be a man. You will get used to it

Walk that crying baby.
Crying babies can be very upsetting for the whole house. The new mother is especially freaked out when baby cries. You need to be the calm one. Get a checklist in your head.

1. Hunger.
2. Dirty nappy.
3. Tiredness.
4. Obvious sign of distress (temperature etc.)
And number 5, the most common,
Stay calm, stay zen, pop ‘em in the sling or over your shoulder, sing a lullabye and walk it out.

Other parents and Grannies know a lot.
Keep a list of key phone numbers next to the phone, so that when panic does set in you can quickly pinpoint the best person to call for advice. As well as including your midwife, doctor, health visitor, and mum on your list, you could also add the telephone numbers of friends with children, your local breastfeeding counsellor, and the breastfeeding helpline. If all these fail, phone that one friend who makes you laugh.

You are not ‘foodies’ anymore.
It is just temporary. For now, take-away and frozen food are perfectly acceptable as you adjust to spending 24 hours a day tending the needs of one tiny person. You will be back making your own sun blush pasta in no time.

Other Dads, especially those with tinies, are vital to your sanity.
In times of trouble, phone a friend.
Remember, it is normal to feel over-whelmed. This is a huge time of adjustment for you, your partner and for that little baby too. But, you can do it.

Here are some ways to enhance the experience.

Take photographs and videos:
The time goes past quickly and you will be so happy that you have recorded happy memories. Take sneaky looks at those pictures when you are back at work and suffering separation anxiety. (I know! As if there as not enough anxieties already!!)

Skin on Skin:
Tinies love the sensation of cuddling up skin on skin with their Daddies. Apparently daddies are not too adverse to it either and it promotes a sense of wellbeing and happiness in both parties.

Be a bouncer:
Yeah, everyone wants in to the new baby house. Make a VIP list which includes friends who don’t stay long and can wash dishes, Mums and Mum-in-laws who know the limits of their involvement, carry casseroles and are useful with a vacuum cleaner. Consult with your partner and gate-keep carefully for her sanity, which means ultimately your sanity.

Lastly and most importantly enjoy your new role in life. You are still you. She is still the woman you love and life has just got richer.

And now:

Enjoy some uploads from other dads fumbling their way through the experience.

https://www.youtube.com/user/watsojg1

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jyvJtA0c06M

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1FBuphlJPbA

How to deal with Tantrums effectively

They are not called the ‘terrible twos’ for nothing! Tantrums and hissy fits are something most parents have to deal with and they can happen between the ages of one and three. Toddler tantrums can see the child go literally out of his mind as emotions completely take over. Ear piercing screeching, kicking, hitting, crying and totally losing control are distressing for both child and adult.

Don’t panic. Every parent has a hard time dealing with toddler mayhem and no one has the definitive answer in how to deal with it. Tantrums need to be handled differently, depending on the reason for the upset. Sometimes you need to provide comfort for the child and at other times, they may need some time out. While there is no definitive solution to coping with a tantrum, here are some pointers which will may help.

Focus on staying calm: This is far from easy as we are programmed to respond when our children cry and so a flailing, screaming upset child evokes huge emotion in us. So, decide on a few steps when the tantrum kicks off.

1. Is the child in a safe place. Obviously if they choose to kick off in the centre of a bus lane, your priority is moving them to safety.

2. Concentrate on your own breathing, stay calm and wait till the tempest dies down a bit.

3. Do not try to talk to your little one when in the middle of a screaming tantrum, they cannot listen or process anything reasonable. Wait till things are calmer before trying to talk to them.

Don’t be drawn into arguments with the child: You are the adult. You are in control, so don’t get drawn into a screaming match about the kick-off issue. Refrain from hauling a distressed child off the floor until they are calm again. Never hit or scream back. The actions you take should reinforcing a calm and positive approach toward problem solving.

Think of these ‘terrible two’s’ as a developmental stage and as such it is a learning curve for your child: After the tantrum, discuss what happened. Assure the child of how much they are loved and explain that this behaviour is not the best way to deal with frustration.

Avoid the next one: Hungry, tired and frustrated little people are likely to tantrum. If your toddler is tired, then it is probably not a good idea to go grocery shopping. Avoid the triggers combinations of exhaustion, hunger, over stimulated and over-heated. Consider any request when your child want something. Choose your battles and accommodate when you can, without giving into outrageous demands. Distract when you need to and praise often. It is not easy to be a small person in a world where everything is out of your control, so allow some decisions, ‘Do you want to eat a banana or a plum? Which story book would you like to read. A small amount of empowerment will encourage a happier child.

Remember toddler tantrums are not usually cause for concern and generally stop on their own. As kids mature, they gain self-control. They learn to cooperate, communicate, and cope with frustration. Less frustration and more control mean fewer tantrums — and happier parents.

So stay calm and let it pass.