Shopping Cart
The first days of school, crèche and playgroup will soon be here for many families. In between the search for uniforms, school bags and equipment, there is hardly time to consider the dreaded separation anxiety. You have probably put a lot of thought and effort into getting your child ready for the adjustment to first time schooling. No doubt, your child is already chatting about the new adventure ahead. People will have remarked on how you might enjoy your new found freedom. However, it is likely that you feel a small tug at your own heart at the thought of this big step. If, like most parents, you’ve found yourself dreading the moment when you hand over that precious little person to the care of others, then don’t’ panic. It is a normal and perfectly understandable reaction. Finding the balance between a growing independence for your child and letting go easily is not easy.
We are happy to offer little helpful advice in ways to manage your own separation anxiety.
- Shield your child from your anxiety: Don’t let them see how upset you are. Children pick up our cues. You can’t expect your child to look forward to playing with the other kids in preschool if you have tears in your eyes as you say goodbye. Try to control your emotions and don’t linger or cry. Leave as happily and matter-of –factly as you can and then, resist the urge to collect them early.
- Keep Busy: Make a list of the things you plan to do in the few hours that your child will be elsewhere. It is tempting to spend the time watching the clock, but you deserve an undisturbed coffee, the chance to clean out the shed or a walk in nature.
- Find others in the same situation: Lots of mums, dads and guardians are feeling pretty much the same as you are. A cuppa and a chat together can be helpful in putting things in perspective.
- Be organised in good time before leaving the house: If you’re late, rushing and already under stress, you’ll be impatient with your child and it will not bode well for a happy farewell. It’s hard to feel good about saying goodbye and heading off to your own day, if the mood of a row is hanging in the air.
- Be on time to collect your child: There is nothing that will increase the stress levels than a child swinging their feet on a bench waiting for a parent, while a teacher or childcare worker paces impatiently, waiting to get home to their own family. A few minutes early is acceptable to all.
- Lose the guilt. Guilt is a useless emotion. Your child is safe. Whatever you decide to do with your time, do it without guilt and in the knowledge that your child is in the care of someone you know and trust. Remind yourself that you are a person of value who deserves and requires time to “recharge,” and that doing this will make you a better parent in the long run.
Unless you intend to spend your life cooking and cleaning for your adult children living at home in their forties and fifties, you must accept that separation is a part of life. Yes, it is a bittersweet parting when they are small wee ones who have spent almost every moment in your care. This feeling of anxiety and fear at parting will dissipate over time and soon you will feel normal. In the meantime, take it easy, acknowledge the feelings and know that all will be well in the long term.
Photo Credit: InnerConflicts